The Call That Makes Your Heart Sink

  Yesterday I got a call no one wants to receive. I picked up my ringing phone at 2:05 pm. I heard my husband's voice on the other end of the line. He sounded a bit different. I immediately knew something was wrong. That's when I heard the terrifying words, I've been in a wreck. My stomach dropped and my heart began pounding. My first response was "are you ok?". My husband said, he thought he was okay. He said a truck reversed in the road, because apparently it missed a driveway. My husband had stopped in the road waiting for the truck to proceed. Next thing my husband knew the truck backed right into the front of our Mitsubishi Galant. 

  I knew my husband was okay and talking to me, waiting for the police to arrive. I should have been relieved but I began shaking severely. I sometimes experience this shakiness with no onset occurrence. I wanted to go to my husband but I could barely walk due to the shaking. I definitely didn't think I should drive. Luckily my oldest son, who is a first responder, was close enough to the accident to respond. I could tell my husband was relieved that our son was on his way to the scene. Although, I felt overwhelming shame for not rushing out the door to be with him.

  My husband of 28 years is the love of my life. He was my high school sweetheart. I would be nothing without him, he's my world. He has always been my protector, best friend, and love. As my disease has progressed, I depend on him more and more. He never complains. He helps me when I can't do things and does it with a willing heart. I sometimes apologize for what my disease has taken from me, but he always circles me with his strong arms and tells me he loves me. He makes me feel safe. That's a wonderful feeling. I can not imagine a life without him. I think that is why the call yesterday affected me and caused the whole body, internal shaking. In a blink of an eye, I could've lost him. If the other driver was going faster or if my husband hadn't been stopped, he could've been severely injured or killed.

  Our marriage is like any other marriage, we argue. Sometimes about the craziest things. After 28 years of living with someone, you each have little actions or ticks that annoy each other. However, yesterday reminded me the little things do not matter. It's the love and the time we have with each other that matters most. I think we need to be reminded of that ever so often. 

  I am truly blessed to have a wonderful husband. He is like no other. I could not fight this disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis, without him. I continue to fight the disease for him, for time we can be together and enjoy each other's company. Whether snuggling on the couch or hiking a mountain, as long as he is by my side I am joyful. 

  After I calmed down and the shaking subsided, I did drive to the scene of my husband's accident. It eased my mind to physically see him. I wish I could've been there sooner to comfort him. He is always there for me.

  In closing, I just want to remind you to appreciate the loved ones in your life. The ones who are there for you as you fight AS and face your daily life. Enjoy the one who is your world.

  Gentle hugs to you all. Have a joyful and safe weekend.

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